Crappy Humor

Dad (sitting on the John doing his thing)

Jadon (joining Dad in the bathroom in order to stay "monitored" with his own laptop use while doing homework):  Arrrrgh!  It smells like s---!

Dad: What else would you expect?  Flowers?

Jadon: (purposely playing along) Flowers, my a--!

Dad: Exactly!

How did the "Oops!" become "Poos!"  (it had two "vowel movements")

This fool got schooled

Today was a momentous day, for my son actually taught me a Chinese word! When he told his Chinese speaking friends "我不講中文" (I don't speak Chinese), he told me they called him "/sha3 bi1/," so he retorted, "/Wo3 bu2shi4 sha3bi1-a!/"

I thought he must have heard it wrong, like they probably said something like 傻瓜 /sha3gua1/.

"No it was /sha3-bi1/… it means something like 'idiot.'"

I wasn't so sure when I looked it up on Google Translate, but it immediately spat out 傻逼 which, like 傻瓜, means "fool"!

My “dying” wish for you

My dear son, whenever the Lord calls me home heavenward… I don't when that time will be: It could be in fifty years or it could be tonight. But I can tell you now that one of my dying thoughts will be for you and Evangelina to BE THERE on the other side with me when the time comes for you too to enter eternity. Let nothing — even the wrong things I did or the right things I failed to do in your life — get in the way of responding in thankful faith to the gracious offer of salvation and deep fellowship with our Heavenly Father through the life and death of Jesus Christ. NOTHING do I yearn for more in your life than this, dear son. My deepest love for you, as broken and inadequate as you know it is, is that you would know and walk in the greater love of our Heavenly Father...

Straightforward evasion

Dad: Jadon, when you go to college how often will you call us?

Jadon: Not that often, because with Mom, she'll ask me why I'm not doing my homework, you'll be asking to catch up for a long time when I'll have other things I want to do, and Mina'll be asking for help with her math when I'm already already tired of my own math class.