Visceral epistler

Weird to realize that I had a subtle but deep bodily response when I read Jadon's unexpected reply to my text earlier this week. Did my heart skip a beat? Did I lose my breath? Did I pass gas? (It definitely wasn't the last one…)

Plea to Please

Yesterday we enjoyed lunch together as a family, which included curry... and a funny idea.  Jadon helped come up with the words for this silly one.

Plea to Please

Can I curry your favor with curry the flavor

So spicy, so savory hot?

If I hurry in labor with Murray my neighbor,

We'll soon have a treasured-filled pot!

In the kitchen with fury we cut chicken Tandoori

With veggies, not grown, but store-bought.

We scamper and scurry (never rush, please don't worry),

So our dish gets the attention it ought.

As you appraise my term paper please concede me this caper:

While you decide whether I've passed or have not,

Make mouth agape ere you take in the vapor

And stew, which I HOPE hits the spot!

[quickie sketch on the Paint app free hand by mouse]

YES IT'S NOT

Last night our 11-year-old daughter & I thought of a fun idea for a poem, & before she went to bed, she helped come up with a list of rhyming words to include. I stayed up to put it together, & the photo you see is our 16-year-old son in glorious "double-barrel snotgun" pre-pandemic panache (c.2008)! Enjoy our silliness!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

YES IT'S NOT

Some have claimed the blame for all the trials life has got

Lays squarely at the feet of nasal mucus we call "snot."

But is it true that snot is what made famine, greed and blot

Of war, and all the world's disasters with which we are fraught?

It's not!

Others take a limited line of reasoning and thought,

And blame snot only for bodily woes: diseases' dread onslaught.

So is it true that snot's the cause of all forms of cancer and clot,

Stroke, AIDS, hormone imbalance, gout, depression, and gunshot?

It's not!

All the same without blame in case our race has honestly forgot:

What keeps moist our inward parts for the purposes they're wrought?

What traps dust and smoke and soot to eliminate the rot?

What do you think it is that captures colds before they're caught?

It's snot!

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE Clip - "I Love You, Miles"

https://youtu.be/HtsAQRLZ_Gc

Costly expressions of…. Love?

We are constantly trying to get the kids to bed quickly, in large part because we want them to get the rest they need to be healthy, but also because we want them to learn how to operate efficiently with their days' many tasks. Over the years we've used various means of positive and negative consequences ("carrots and sticks") with varying degrees of success. Lately especially with our sixteen year old I've been trying to give room to make their own commitments… and to back up those commitments with their own consequences in case they don't keep their word. Tonight I told Jadon what time I thought he should be in bed, but he thought he needed five more minutes than what I allotted. As he showered we debated back and forth what might be a worthwhile consequence if he didn't live up to his words: push-ups, sentence-writing "I need to get ready for bed faster" 100x to be mailed to an agreed relative, abdominal crunches….none seemed to satisfy both of us as "the right amount of cost" to incentivize getting to bed quickly. Finally, Jadon suggested that he would loudly say he loved me when I dropped him off in front of his school in the morning. Boy that got him moving! Problem was that he began hurrying too late… let's see if I can milk this tomorrow morning!

Artiste magnifique

As far as I can remember, since college I have been gifted with rather above-average volume of gastrointestinal gasses. As one may imagine this has been a liability lending toward embarrassment at times, but surprisingly this has also been advantageous in its own way, especially in the years of leading the youth group at EFC (Riverside) or among buddies (a la "Fart Football" introduced by Steve Shelton at UCR).

Obviously biologically there have been seasons of waxing and waning in this "gift," probably based on my diet of the time or other factors affecting my gut microbiome. But because the propensity has lasted so long and seemed to coincide with the times in my life I had made trips to developing countries in Asia, Africa, and Latin America, I wondered if perhaps I had been harboring some parasite unbeknownst to myself (amoebiasis, anyone?), and even had my doctor check this recently with stool testing. Thankfully, it was negative.

This afternoon, Jadon and I were having fun studying side by side punctuated by the occasional pungent "Bronx cheer," of which of course I was the more guilty party. To that, Jadon started to giggle to himself, so I asked him what was so funny?

His reply: "Daddy has mastered the 'Art of the Shart.'"

Desafortunadamente….



Big plans

Love and hatred sometimes have such a razor thin line of demarcation that perhaps there is no line at all.

Last night while I slept next to Jadon in the garage where he was put out for flagrant disrespect at the piano (though he didn't say it yesterday, I cannot recall how many times he's said "I hate piano!"), he told me of his plans "for when I propose to my wife," which apparently center around his giftedness at the piano!

"I'm going to keep up my concerto..."

"...rent a concert hall..."

"...hire an orchestra..."

"...pretend that I'm bringing her to a concert..."

"How much does it cost to rent a concert hall?"

"How much do musicians cost?"

"Ooh I think I'll need a smaller orchestra..."

"Wow that's going to cost a lot!"

"Is that over the top?"

I could actually see this happening one day, & if he keeps up his music and hangs around enough musicians until then, he'll probably be able to do so on a much smaller budget that he currently envisions!

You go, young man!  

(Are you ready, young lady?  We're praying for you!) 

Shockingly funny!

I wish I could've recorded the "shock" on Jadon's face last night. 

https://www.pond5.com/sound-effects/item/79051195-electric-shock

What it might have looked like (one I'd seen years ago inspired me yesterday):

https://youtu.be/1gmv3PiiQJg

Contemptuous Commendation and Laudatory Libel,

A recent conversation in the car:
J: Evangelina's farts stink!
E: Jadon's farts stink!
Dad: Oh yeah? Well, my farts smell GREAT!
E (without missing a beat): …ly bad!

I hope I don't have to come back from the dead to intervene...

For many reasons of late, Jadon's been having some difficulty getting excited about music.  I told him that he had to do some of his music theory in preparation for a Certificate of Merit exam (level 10) coming up, & he threw every excuse at me:

"This is too hard!"

"I don't understand this!"

"This is too much work!"
"This is going to take forever!"

"I'm not going to do it!"

With wisdom I usually lack, I kept my mouth shut and stuck to my guns.

Finally, he returned to the room and started getting to work, but not without more cheeky comments:

"I'm not even going to tell my kids about music!  If they even ask about it, I'm going to tell them it doesn't exist!"

"It's going to be like CoCo!"

Coco (2017 film) - Wikipedia

Coco (2017 film) - Wikipedia Coco is a 2017 American computer-animated fantasy film produced by Pixar Animation Studios and released by Walt ...

Uno, dos, tres, my counting is a mess!

While on a recent weekend trip to San Diego, we rented a surrey & peddled through an outdoor marketplace.  Evangelina was interested in getting a fidget popper (a two-sided rainbow-colored rubber doohickey with "buttons" you press from either side), but all of them were being sold for $10-15.  Some of the vendors were Hispanic, so big brother Jadon was put in charge of the haggling.  

He dutifully asked, "Cuanto cuesta?"  (How much?)

The vendor answered, "Diez dolares."

Evangelina looked at Jadon and asked, "So how much is it?"

Jadon, seeking to encourage his little sister in her abilities, said, "You know what that is.  You can count."

Evangelina looked down & said to herself, "Uno, dos, diez!" then turned to JJ with excitement, "Mommy!  It's only three dollars!!!"